Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
