Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
