I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
