Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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