it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
