I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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