Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
