It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
