are you so shy because you have an std?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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