Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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