people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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