That's intense
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
