i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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