Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
