I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
