Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
