never play flip cup with pint glasses
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
