Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize