hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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