Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
