I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
