If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
