Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
