i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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