I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
