Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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