U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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