dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
