ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
