Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
