The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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