just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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