Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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