I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
