I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
