Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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