Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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