I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
