I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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