Wow word travels fast.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!