i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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