No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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