we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
