Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
