she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
