She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
