You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
