If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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