Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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