She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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