I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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