I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
