For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
