No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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