He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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