This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
