please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
