My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
