i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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