Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
