I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it because I queefed?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
