Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
