dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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