I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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