I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
