i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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