she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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