you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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