The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
