I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Every concussion has its silver lining
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
