you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
