Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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