she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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