That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
