No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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