tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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