They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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