Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
