when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
