She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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