ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
