The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
