Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
