theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
