Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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