3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your face is a jimmy john
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
