when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
