I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
