im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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