Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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