My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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