Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
